Are traps gay?

I didn’t want to write this, its all just a meme, nobody really cares that much about it, right? That’s what I thought, but now I’ve seen lots of people genuinely talking about it, including Chris Ray Gun and Armoured Skeptic and also verified trans twitter accounts like Parker Molloy and Katelyn Burns. It doesn’t look like its going to be a topic that goes away soon so I wanna throw in my 2cents and maybe argue why I think a lot of people are wrong.

Now before I go on I think I should post a disclaimer because OH BOY does this topic upset people really quickly. I noticed last night in my conversations that people seemed to be getting rather wound up at me, some of which even blocked me. I just want to say, right here at the beginning, that I’m going to try and speak as objectively as possible. I get that your sexuality seems subjective to you and is very personal. I fully understand this. However, if we’re going to make an absolute statement about whether traps are gay or not, we need to have an objective understanding of the components of that question. Do not get offended. Seriously. Lmao.

First of all, this is a question of sexuality, so we need to understand exactly what we’re talking about when we discuss sexuality. Sexuality as we know it; gay, straight, bisexual, is all in reference to our binary sexes which we have an objective understanding of. There are alternatives to this like “pansexual” or whatever, but to keep it simple we’ll just focus on the big three. This works pretty perfectly where people are typical of the binary sexes. If you’re a typical male attracted to typical males, this is homosexual. If you’re a typical male attracted to typical females, this is heterosexual. Its hard to find fault with this idea on the surface with a very basic understanding of human anatomy.

However, it does seem to sacrifice a lot of nuance for the sake of drawing those rules. The main issue for our conversation here coming from trying to apply this rule when we remember that there are trans and intersex people too. People argue its gay to date a trans woman if you’re a man, because the trans woman is biologically male. This is not exactly true.

Objectively speaking sex is defined by 5 main characteristics. Gonads. Chromosomes. Hormones. Secondary Sex Characteristics and Genitalia. Now depending on your perspective of genital reassignment surgery, that means a transitioned trans woman can achieve 3/5 female characteristics. We can change our hormones, genitals and secondary sex characteristics. If you’re an intersex trans woman, you can also have 4/5 including chromosomes. At what point does it stop being relevant to call someone male biologically?

even pre “FULL transition” – ie, pre-surgery, a trans woman is, at the very least less male and more female than where she began. You could very well make the argument that we have medically induced a state of intersex upon our bodies, this differs from being an intersex condition because it isn’t something we were born with. It’s artificial. It would be accurate to say that a trans woman, pre medical transition is biologically male, or that she was born biologically male. However after medical transition it definitely does not hold up when speaking objectively, we’re at the very minimum 2/5ths female.

So is it the being born biologically male part that should matter? Is this why we should call it gay or homosexual? If that were true, wouldn’t it make everyone a paedophile? We were all born babies, were we not? Surely if what you were born as matters more than what you are now, then that would make all people child molesters, would it not? It seems to me that the current state of a person and their body should absolutely matter more than where their body has been previously.

None of this is even to mention the wide range of sexual dimorpshism humans can have, ie not all women are 5’2″ with tits. Some are 6’5″ with no tits. Not all men are dadbod dudebros, some got mad hips. For instance, which is more homosexual, the butch woman or the feminine dude? the pre-op trans man or the pre-op trans woman?


It seems like this idea we have of trying to define sexuality by an objective measure of sex is falling down. If we had super strict sexual dimorphism, where all the females were the same and all the males were the same. No such thing as intersex or trans. Then yes, the very basic ideas of sexuality we have discussed above would all fit. But when we look at the world we don’t see such broad, black and white strokes. There’s a lot of slightly different shades of people, who don’t necessarily fit the simplistic view at all.

On the flipside, the arguments I’ve heard from people opposing the above are that you shouldn’t label people, you don’t get to decide the sexualities of other people and that if you’re calling trans women gay you’re misgendering us by proxy – because for us to be gay you must see us as men. I don’t necessarily agree with this view either. Not least because they’re talking about sex, not gender identity.

The argument here, in short, is that sexuality should be defined by gender identity, not sex. Sex made a lot of sense but is outdated now that we know more and we should move to using a new understanding which takes into account the new information we have learnt. To this end we would need to define sexuality by gender identity, because who a person is surely matters more than what a person is – especially when what a person is can vary quite wildly even within the sexes, let alone between them. So does Gender Identity as the basis for sexuality have any problems with creating an objective rule or not?

It sure does. Especially when we’ve already set out that we’re trying to find an objective view of sexuality, and one based on such heavy subjectivity. Ie self identifying your sexuality based on your personal feelings, isn’t readily objectively measurable at all.  This is a huge problem for our mission here. If it were possible to just scan people and be like “yep this is your gender identity confirmed forever” – this would be fine. But that’s not really how it works, we can detect some differences in the transsexual brain but this is expensive, inefficient and we don’t know enough about the brain to say whether it is legitimately trans in the brain for everyone, or if its just a correlation between what trans in the brain looks like and what homosexuality in the brain looks like. So a feminine man may have a smaller BSTc size than typical males, yet still identify as a man. There’s a lot we don’t know in this area. All of which is a huge problem for trying to make an objective rule.

So a quick recap.

  • Sex is a bad way to try and objectively define sexuality because of sexual diversity and it not taking into account that trans and intersex exist and objectively defy the typical rules.
  • Gender Identity is a bad way to try and objectively define sexuality because its not objectively measurable (yet). Even if it was it seems counter intuitive to say having sex with a biological male who has done absolutely nothing to transition isn’t gay just because of their brain.

So what do we do? We seem to have two kinda bad ideas, that don’t really fit and work perfectly for everyone. In my opinion, we should give up on trying to have an objective measure of sexuality altogether. It’s essentially just a pointless step between you and getting laid. Of course, nobody saying you have to suck a dick if you don’t want to suck a dick, but instead of adding the pointless “I don’t suck dicks because its gay” step, you can simply just stop at “I don’t suck dicks”. You don’t need to justify your lack of wanting to suck a dick any more than someone else has to justify their wanting to suck a dick. If anything, my suggestion makes it easier for everyone, no?

To answer our question, “are traps gay?” we should only ever need to reply with  “does it matter? Why can’t we just fuck who we find attractive? What’s with all these bullshit extra steps between me and getting my dick/vag wet?”

As always, these are just the thoughts rattling around my brain and I’m always happy and excited to see what you guys have to say. Personally I hate this conversation and was okay just leaving it as a meme, but some people don’t really want to do that at all. So I figured I’d cash in on that SEO shit. Thanks for reading you fucking gay ❤





3 thoughts on “Are traps gay?

  1. ramendik says:

    “In my opinion, we should give up on trying to have an objective measure of sexuality altogether.” yup. and also it’s probably harmful in the long term.

    “Sexual orientation” has developed from the idea of “sexual inversion” as a disorder or inborn trait, with the old notion of “inversion” sort of splitting between “gay” and “trans” (note: Magnus Hirschfeld was a pioneer on *both* for biologically male people).

    It is used in fights for gay rights, but is “orientation” really a useful label for a person?

    (Also, I think the word “trap” refers specifically to trans women who look attractive for typical men who identify as straight).


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