Bathrooms, Boundaries & Storytime

I often hear this word from TERFs on Twitter; boundaries. Why don’t trans women respect my boundaries? I don’t want males seeing my body, my boundaries reee! So I wanted to maybe discuss the idea of boundaries and get this post out there for TERF busy bodies to think about. So first, lets discuss the nature of boundaries.

We all have our boundaries and we all don’t like it when people step over them. Myself for instance had quite the episode with a postal worker not too long ago. I was fresh out of the shower, putting some music on while I got myself dried and stuff when I heard a knocking at my door. I looked out the window and it was someone with a package, since I hadn’t ordered anything I figured I didn’t need to go and answer the door and she would get the hint.

OH BOY was I wrong though, when instead of doing what any normal person would do when nobody answers the door you’re banging on. SHE WALKED RIGHT IN. Now lucky for me I have this lil corridor with another door at the end. It’s like a 4ft narrow porch I guess? Anyway, I ran to this door, held it closed and she tried to open that one too, eventually I calmed my tits told her I was naked and she passed her sign for the package device through a small gap in the door then left the package in the porch.

I still have the package. We tried to find the house it belongs to, but the address on the package doesn’t have a street name or post code so we eventually gave up.

Anyway, back to the point of boundaries. Quite clearly this woman overstepped my boundaries, she entered my home without my permission and at a time when I felt vulnerable. I think we can all agree she should not have done this. She should have respected the boundaries of my home and not entered my house.

I’ve also had my boundaries crossed in other ways too. I was once out walking at night, I think I was chasing after a diglett for my Pokédex when Pokémon Go first came out. I was only a couple of streets away from my house and my town is usually pretty safe and quiet so I didn’t expect any trouble. Someone, a man, saw me playing the game and started following me and walking besides me. He kept trying to have a conversation and being polite I talked back. I stopped to tie my shoelace and he walked on in front, I pretended I was tying my shoe lace for quite a while and waited for him to get a fair distance ahead before I ducked down an alley way.

It was dark and had really badly laid ground making it hard to walk on. By the time I had gotten half way down the alley, I heard footsteps behind me. Someone was behind me. Getting scared I walked a little quicker and headed to the light post that overlooked the car park at the end of the alley – it was also where the diglett was and so I stopped to calm down and catch the lil brown cutie. I kept my eye on the alley waiting for the person following me to come out and my suspicions were confirmed. It was that same man who had followed up the street and who I’d pretended to tie my shoe laces to avoid.

He approached me in the car park, took a deep sniff as he walked passed me and said “YOU SINGLE?” I sort of muttered back “no, sorry” and he leaned in closer to me, barely leaving room for Jesus and said “shame”. He walked off staring at me the whole way. Once he got out of eye line, I went to go look which way he was going so I could avoid him more. When I did, I saw he was walking up a road that ran parallel to the alley he had just walked down. Basically he had followed me down the alley very much intentionally. This again, is another example of my boundaries being crossed, however I think it differs hugely from the above example.

The nature of the first example to me, is an example of a legal boundary. We can all agree that legally speaking, your home is your domain and nobody but you gets to decide who enters it, obviously this has some caveats. So the fact that the lady had entered my home without permission is a boundary which we can legally enforce. However the second example is more of a personal boundary. It was my personal boundary that I didn’t want to be spoken to, or to have people hit on me in public and this boundary was crossed. I don’t believe that we should enforce this kind of boundary legally.

This is what the radical feminist political lesbians don’t understand. There’s a lot of nuance to “boundaries” and nobody has any obligation to respect your personal boundaries. Sure, we can all agree that it would be nice if they did. It would be absolutely super if I didn’t have to worry about being alone in public when its dark out, but we can’t make it illegal for people to try to make conversation with you, or to follow you down dark alleys and scare the shit out of you. He did nothing that we could legislate against, it was just really kinda creepy and weird.

I think the same applies to the bathroom debate. I’m often told that I should respect women’s boundaries by not using the women’s facilities. Because some women don’t want people who have penises, like myself, to use those facilities. One woman even said she doesn’t want males to hear her pee. This is all personal boundaries, which nobody has any obligation to adhere to. We could legislate against registered sex offenders using the bathroom, but we can’t legislate against people you don’t want to hear you pee, hearing you pee. So how do we solve the problem of personal boundaries? What can we do to appease people?

Absolutely nothing. Their boundaries will continue to expand every time you try to appease them. Like a conquering nation, radical feminist ideology will not stop until its vision is complete. This isn’t really unique to radical feminism, most any ideology will try to push its own boundaries and its own standards upon everyone else. Instead what I would advocate for in terms of personal boundaries is that you take control of them for yourself, since that’s the only person you have any actual control over.

For instance, if say, I have a personal boundary about people touching my ears – then if people touch my ears I should tell them “hey, I don’t like it when you touch my ears”. If they do not stop touching my ears, then I will cease to associate with that person. In this example I have clearly taken control of my boundaries and enforced them for myself, without necessitating legislative action. To put this into the context of the bathroom debate, if you don’t want someone to hear you pee then you need to take yourself out of the situation where the people you don’t want hearing you pee, can’t hear you pee. Pee at home if you have to. In this personal boundary equation you can only control your own actions, not other peoples. Take the power back for yourself, if it really matters that much, anyway. I suspect it doesn’t.

This was really just a waffley post about boundaries to try and get the conversation started a little more. Hopefully I’ll get some interesting thoughts I hadn’t considered sent my way. Always happy to hear what you have to say, even you, TERFs.


2 thoughts on “Bathrooms, Boundaries & Storytime

  1. Alex Lopez (@HugoAlmeirante) says:

    I always shared a very similar idea when it comes to legal VS personal boundaries. After studying Kantian ethics, I have to say that it somewhat resonates with this. The idea of maxims, rules of conduct. Values that should become universal. That’d be the legal boundary, as no one wants a random person entering your house without your permission.

    The actions that we don’t want to become maxims are the ones that shouldn’t become universal, right? Imagine there was a law that forced the person that is hearing you pee to exit the bathroom. This is definitely something that would not be practical in our daily lives. It might be great for that lady, but not for me or you. That’d be the personal boundary, limits that “I” have but that generally no one else shares.

    Sorry for the useless information, but I thought it was very interesting seeing it so well reflected in those 2 scenarios. ^_^

    Liked by 1 person

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