(there’s a pic of a vagina and a dick in this article, probably don’t read it at work)
So in my last post I took apart Blaire White’s reasoning for why you should disclose. Her video was blatant click bait and spoke of a very minority kind of violence. Which in the vast majority of times doesn’t stand up in court because it turned out that he knew she was was trans the whole time. Today I want to post my own ideas on disclosure, and then in a post sometime in the future I want to discuss more about the violence against trans women. On with the show I guess.
Disclosure in this context means telling someone that you’re trans before dating or getting intimate with someone. I think that Blaire White presented a fairly simplified understanding of disclosure, and relied on terrible arguments to make her point and basically went full clickbait trash. But I don’t necessarily disagree with the point itself in specific circumstances.
Here in the UK we have had at least one trans man receive jail time for “obtaining sexual intimacy by fraud in a legal first in Scotland”. I’m not sure I agree with this sentence at all. See to me the way I’ve always seen consent is that you consent to sleeping with a person, not with their body parts or chromosomes or whatever. If you’re shouting “yes please, make me cum, I want to cum” at someone, don’t be surprised if they give it a good go. When you really think about the precedent this ruling has set, it means that any time someone who is trans sleeps with someone and doesn’t fully disclose it; they’re breaking the law. They’re “obtaining sexual intimacy by fraud”. That doesn’t sit right with me at all. It’s essentially criminalising have a medical condition and not telling someone about it. Would you criminalise diabetics like this? That’s not to say Chris shouldn’t have disclosed, of course – but criminalising non-disclosure? That’s wrong.
Now for things like HIV or sexually transmitted diseases, I absolutely get it. Sleeping with someone with HIV unprotected can leave you infected with the virus. That’s a detriment to your health and although medicine is far better than it ever has been – its still not great. You have done harm to someone, which you knew about and refused to tell them about it. But what harm comes from sleeping with or being intimate with a trans person? Well if you’re a gangster and your friends find out the only thing harmed is your “reputation”. Should we be protecting people’s pride like this? Is that fair to put on trans folk, given the knowledge that being out and or visible is usually what gets us killed?
Across the pond we have stories like Taylor Lianne Chandler, an ex of Olympic swimmer, Michael Phelps. A massive blow out happened across social media when Phelps found out that Taylor was intersex. The couple broke up and I can understand this. I wouldn’t say it was a deceptive thing, rather that it’s a sign of a lack of trust in a relationship – in this sense I could see it as a sort of betrayal. She has been wrongly reported as trans and journalists have said things about how she used to be a man. Of course, the papers mostly focussed on how Phelps had “slept with a tranny” rather than what actually happened. Classy.
So when is disclosure actually necessary? Well first we should look at how sexual encounters and intimacy happen in the real world without trans people first. A lot of sexual activity is one-night stands and casual. In this case I think you should disclose if you’re non-op/pre-op. Some people don’t like vaginas, some people don’t like penises. Its only fair to let people know what they’re getting into there – no they don’t consent to sleeping with your penis or vagina, they consent to sleeping with you, but this doesn’t change the preferences they have for genitals. Its for this reason that a lot of people sign up with radical feminist ideology and shout things like “lesbian erasure”. I could see how they would feel that way if they have such a strong preference for vag and not dicks or even vice versa.
However if you’re post-op? I say crack on love. There’s really no reason for a post-op transsexual to disclose for casual sex. Especially when their junk looks like this:
But I think that disclosure is also necessary if you’re intending to start a relationship with somebody. Regardless of whether you’ve had GRS or not. I’ve spoken before about how I don’t think its transphobic to not want to date trans people, and that’s largely because trans people don’t tend to have the ability to have children. If you’re of a traditional mindset, and you want to have a child with the woman you love, then a trans woman isn’t going to work out well for you. Ditto if you’re a woman who wants to be knocked up by your loving husband – if he’s a trans man that isn’t going to happen. I’ve also spoken before about the options for having a child are limited even further, by adoption not being super great for trans people in terms of access, and surrogacy being hard to come by. For this reason I totally understand why trans who remain fertile tend to brave the dysphoria and have their own kids utilising their biology. So pregnant trans men, and frozen trans woman sperm.
And I know, there’s lots of cis people who can’t have their own children and I believe these people should disclose this too. It can be a deal breaker for some people. Hopefully you find someone special who doesn’t see it as a deal breaker and more an obstacle that you can both work together in getting over. For me personally? My partner never wanted kids until we started dating. It’s something I’ve bullied her into accepting we’re just gonna have to do one day because I really do. We’ve pretty much decided on adoption, though again, I’m already gearing my self up for how difficult that’s going to be to achieve given that we’re a lesbian couple and I’m trans. But hey ho. Here we go.
This discussion does beg a specific question though. I started a conversation over on Medium about the future of trans medicine, one I intend to follow up on with a deeper conversation on what I think the two main options are for trans women. If we take my preferred option, to perfect transsexual transition option. Then at what point during this process would we say disclosure no longer becomes necessary?
In my opinion, I’d make the argument that disclosure stops being necessary when you become typical in terms of function of the sex you’re transitioning your body to. So if you’re a trans woman and we perfect uterus and ovary transplants so that you function typically as a female, ie able to produce eggs and give birth; then disclosure would not be necessary. Even if your chromosomes are still XY. Ditto for trans men, if you can produce sperm and get women pregnant then there’s no reason for you to disclose that you’re still XX.
But that’s just my thoughts on the matter, I’m keen to hear what everyone else has to say. Feel free to drop some love and comments down in the comment section below and hopefully we can have a nice reasonable discussion. Without resorting to shit-tier tactics like “LOL THIS IS HOW TRANNIES GET BEAT UP, TRICKING MEN!!!!” See you there buddies.