This article comes about after Owen Jones of The Guardian wrote this piece. There’s a lot of good content in it, however there’s a little thing sticking out that I feel needs to be addressed. Apparently its racist to not want to sleep with _____ race of people and it has to change. That just doesn’t sit right with me, so I figured I’d write my thoughts about it. For the sake of ease, I’m just going to write about black people from this point onwards – but you can assume I mean any race. (Can’t wait for that to trigger some SJWs)
I already covered a similar topic, on is it transphobic not to sleep with trans people. I came down on the answer of no. I’m trans and I totally get why people might not want to sleep with me. It’s perfectly acceptable, a little heart breaking sometimes, but I’m a big girl and I’m great at eating ice-cream and crying. Which probably doesn’t make me any more dateable, but I digress.
In the article I wrote on trans, the lack of ability to create babies or the lack of a real vagina can be a deal breaker for some people, and that’s totally fine. If you’re a lesbian who only likes vaginas, then you’re probably not going to be that interested in neo-vaginas or chicks with dicks. So we’ll likely never work out. Putting “no trans” on your page wouldn’t bother me.
When we make dating profiles, we’re not addressing people as individuals, we’re addressing them as groups. We all have our own idea of what we find attractive, and this is something we usually don’t outwardly say because we don’t need to. In offline dating we approach those we find attractive and we turn down those we don’t. We may very well turn down black people purely because they’re black people and we don’t find that attractive. Though you never need to make a point about saying “no black people please” because you’re not likely to be approached by more than a few a night.
In online dating, you can receive so much more attention than you would on a night out at the club. Its time consuming to go through all of them and say “I’m not interested”. Rather than just putting out some text on your page which says “I’m not attracted to black people”. Saving you ever having to reply to any one from a group you don’t find attractive – giving you far more time to focus on the ones you do.
I’ve never personally used online dating because I think it over simplifies and mechanises human interaction needlessly. We aren’t computers and dating and relationships are down to human connection, between one person and another, not their computer screens. But since we live in a world where computers are at the forefront of everything we do, and the sheer volume of data and stuff coming into our lives – its totally understandable that some people might want to cut down on that stream of information. It’s like a filter that filters out anyone you don’t believe you’d find attractive – for whatever reason, even if its just because they’re black.
Is it right? Is it okay? and is it racist? My personal prejudice against computerising your life says it isn’t right, not for me. I wouldn’t do it. Though I would argue its totally fine for other people to do it. I’ve known people receiving up to 300 messages a day from people, its unfeasible to assume they can read and reply to all of them as individuals and it totally makes sense to filter by race if you don’t find black people attractive. Is it racist? I suppose it depends hugely on the motivations for their belief they don’t find black people attractive. If they’re feeling that way because they believe black people are criminals – that’s kinda racist. If its just because they don’t like the aesthetic of dark skin? Not really? Everyone is entitled to be attracted to pretty much whatever they want.
When it comes down to it, if you want to fix this ‘problem’ then calling people racists isn’t going to help. It just implies they’re wrong for their sexual preferences and it implies you want to be some sort of sexuality fascist and force them to change their ways. Force and fascism of any kind will always be met with resistance by any freedom-valuing society.