“You’re not a woman,  you’re a man! ”  

You’d think this is a phrase that I get from angry trolls online a lot,  and you wouldn’t be wrong.  However this post isn’t directed at the trolls,  it’s directed at TERFs. Which stands for trans exclusionary radical feminists. Sorry, not TERFs, apparently radical feminists who are exclusionary of trans don’t like to be called “TERFs”. This post is directed at anyone who would desire to tell me “You’re not a woman, you’re a man.”

This post comes about after a long conversation last night with someone on twitter. The conversation didn’t really go anywhere because we couldn’t agree on what I was.  I’m a trans woman,  so to me I’m just a woman.  That’s who I am from my perspective.  There’s nothing short of death or brain damage that is going to change that. It’s a fact of my reality.

Whereas some people disagree.  They look at my biology and decide that I’m a man because of that.  Despite the effort put in to say otherwise.  It doesn’t matter to them what I look like,  how I behave,  what I feel or anything.  I was simply born male and thus,  I can’t be a woman.

And to that I say. . . .  Okay.  I say okay because you’re entitled to your opinion as I am mine.  Our opinions differ,  perhaps on a lot of different topics and that’s a good thing.  I love being able to discuss and talk about things with people,  to get into debates when opinions differ.  It’s fun.  I would never insist your opinion change to match mine and you should never force the same upon me.

I don’t need legislation to force people’s opinion on my identity such as the bill in Canada right now,  bill C-16. I don’t need to have arguments with people until they cave and finally validate my identity.  Your validation and the validation of society isn’t valuable to me.  It means  nothing whether I have it or not.  I transitioned for me and my own well being,  which I would say has been successful. I’m happier and more confident in my self and my body than I ever have been. I love being me.

Likewise, if bringing up my  biological fact was enough for me to suddenly stop calling myself a woman,  I would never have transitioned in the first place.  If I didn’t wholeheartedly believe I was a woman,  why would I put my self in this position?  It’s not all poops and rainbows,  it’s pain,  anxiety,  depression and struggle.  It’s something I was compelled to do for my sanity and I do not regret the decision one bit.

The real important question is how does this affect you?  The person I was talking with last night seemed rather upset that I was “redefining”  the word “woman”.  Which I disagree that I am.  Obviously from my perspective I am a woman, from yours I may not be.  The word hasn’t been redefined if your understanding of it doesn’t include me, and like I said already,  I’m  not about to force that to change.  I just don’t care whether you think I’m a woman or not.

So unless you have something groundbreaking and new to say about whether I’m a woman,  it’s probably not going to make any difference to me.  I don’t care for your approval of my gender,  just like how you probably don’t care for any one else’s either.  As long as my existence and beliefs aren’t actively impeding on your rights then what’s the real problem? Because I really don’t see one.

Likewise,  as long as I can pee without being harassed or assaulted and go about my day to day business without my rights being affected.  Then I don’t see a problem either.  Why can’t we and our opposing opinions just co-exist peacefully ?

If there is a real problem,  please find me on twitter and lets talk about it. Maybe we can find some common ground on which to battle away the problem. I’m always keen for discussion over @CursedEBlog


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