This one really gets my dander right up. Today is National Coming Out Day and for those of you who can’t read and struggle with the very obviously implied parts of sentences. This is about sexuality and coming out as non-heterosexual. Of course, worthy of a celebratory hashtag, don’t you think? No? Me either. Lets get into it.
For me “coming out” wasn’t really something I did. I just did what I wanted to do and when my parents cocked an eyebrow at me doing some same-sex hand holding or hugging, I didn’t feel like I had to explain my self to them. Because I’m not doing anything wrong, I’m not going to hide it from them, and it’s not a big deal. I’m just myself, and if I want to have same-sex relationships, I will. I’m not accountable to anyone but me. I covered this idea in a blog on sexuality, you should definitely read it.
Obviously that’s not to say I’m gay at all, I don’t enjoy labels and find them limiting rather than helpful at all. I guess they’re ‘okay’ for creating social groups but those social groups are so filled with drama as everyone brings their own understanding of what the label is supposed to mean and how you qualify for being a part of it or not. I really don’t like that, my life is stressful enough as it is, without worrying if I’m hurting my label-mates feelings by doing things that shouldn’t concern them at all.
And that’s kind of the point isn’t it? It shouldn’t concern them at all. My sexuality is very personal to me, like how yours is very personal to you. It shouldn’t matter what or how I express that and shouldn’t need a label for it either. Yet it does, especially within gay communities. Where you can be a straight-acting gay, or a butch lesbian. Where if you stray too far from the accepted path, you’re out of the gang! “What? You kissed a girl once? Well you can’t be a real gay man like me!” – that’s sort of thing.
This problem isn’t exclusive to just within gay communities either. The problem that for no discernible reason, other people’s sexuality matters to us. #NationalComingOutDay is just another symptom of that idea. Where non-heterosexual people feel they have to come out and announce how they are different from other people, so that everyone is aware of it. Because look, my sexuality should really matter to you!!!!
All the while, these same people are probably the kind who say that sexuality shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter for getting a job, it shouldn’t matter for hanging out in a club, it shouldn’t matter for anything at all. Sexuality is even protected in the Human Rights Act making it so you legally can’t discriminate against people for their sexuality. Which is absolutely great, the law literally says that sexuality shouldn’t matter to anyone but the person themselves, in essence. Yet here we are, making mountains out of molehills all the same. With people forcing their sexuality down people’s throats then claiming “BUT IT SHOULDN’T MATTER TO YOU!” – and it doesn’t, you don’t need to make a literal song and dance about it either.
Instead I support #NationalBeingYourselfYear. Where every year we just be ourselves and we don’t need to create events and hashtags to celebrate that. We just do it, and enjoy it, because it only matters to us. Not anyone else.
Please, keep your sexuality to yourself and at a push, people you might want to have sex with. Nobody else need know or care about it, and the only way they will is if you make a fuss about it by I dunno, having a coming out party?