I’ve already written a blog offending animal lovers everywhere as I came down on the side of “yeah I’d totally eat dog meat”, so now its time to upset the gay community I suppose. This blog is going to tackle the idea of sexuality, and my own opinions on the matter. I’ve struggled with sexuality all my life, going from extreme to extreme; and in all honesty, the sex was amazing. Its just taken a toll on me emotionally, physically and mentally. I’m at a point now in life where I’m in a stable relationship and able to reflect on sexuality and my history with sex a lot better.
So from the top I suppose. We’re born, and for around 2-3 years of our lives our minds fail to capture any ‘memories’ that we can later recall. My earliest memory is of me as a 3 year old. My mum took me to the nursery part of my school, and so I would do half-days at school every week. The idea was that it was a taster, to help prepare kids for full school life which would usually start at 5 years old. This is information I know about the memory, but the memory itself is very simple, short, nothing much to it. There was a specific corner to turn around to be finally on the same street as the school. All I remember is holding my mum’s hand, and walking around that corner.
Sexuality for me became a factor at around age 8. I won’t go into details, but myself and a friend experimented with the idea of it in the toilets; an unfortunate setting for a lot of my later sexual experiences. I began masturbating at age 9, and had my first sexual relationship at 13. So needless to say, my sexual awakening was a rocky one. The relationship wasn’t very good and lead to me being exploited and abused for years; which in turn lead me to exploit and abuse myself for even more years.
I’m now 24, almost 25 and I look back on my experiences with sex and sexuality, and I try to see this logic that everyone talks about. “I found out I was gay” or “I always knew I was gay” are two of the big phrases I hear and can’t relate to whatsoever. I’ve had sex with guys, and girls, across all age groups with no regard for my own. I don’t understand how other people have sexual preference so strongly, that they know this is the only type of person for them.
From my experience and understanding, it just seems like everyone is playing pretend. Like they’re forcing themselves to appear a certain way so that people don’t call them out on their sexuality. People are desperately clinging to labels like “gay” or “lesbian” because they want to belong, to be part of a group, to finally have some kind of understanding about their sexuality. Rather than how I’m facing it, where I respect that I don’t really know anything despite my wealth of experience.
This is something you hear a lot of in the gay community, things such as “gold star” lesbian, or “lipstick lesbian” – the former implying you’ve only ever had an interest in girls, and the latter implying your sexual interest in girls is limited to where she applies lipstick. This idea of sexuality policing is stronger within gay communities than the policing surrounding gay communities. In a lot of gay communities, you will be laughed at and made fun of for little things. There are a lot of people out there quick to judge you on whether you’re really LGBT or not based on their own arbitrary understanding of sexuality. This can make it really tough to be a part of those communities, especially for people just trying to understand themselves better by taking part in discourse.
In my opinion, its all try hard. We’re shoe-horning ourselves and being sexually elitist about it. We force our square pegs into the round hole, and reject anyone who can’t loosely make their own shape fit through the gap like how we did. We create new rules, pointless and senseless rules, that decide whether we accept other people around us as [insert sexuality]; when we ourselves don’t fully understand sexuality. It’s sad to think that a large portion of the oppression people face is from within those very same oppressed communities, but it’s somewhat true.
Sexuality isn’t something you can slap labels on and create rules for in this way. The range of identities and presentation of identities is so vast that the idea of sexuality being able to categorise them purely by their biology is massively outdated. We live in a world where there are people who don’t appear to be either fully male or fully female – note I said appear to be. It makes it really confusing, and harder to navigate sexuality than ever before – but only if we approach sexuality with this outdated idea that you’re always one or the other. Gay or straight. Instead, allow yourself the freedom to be whatever you want to be, from each passing moment. The great thing about the square peg and round hole is that you can take your peg out and put it in another hole any time you want. It’s your life, its your choice, and if you think that you want to try some same sex copulation , you’re the only person holding yourself back.